Sonu Mehtha
Is Peace Anything At All?
India is fighting great pandemics with greater precision, but has India fought with the pandemic of Domestic Abuse? The answer to this is rather apparent with the National Family Health Survey which claims that every 3rd woman in India has been a victim of domestic violence, either physical or sexual. Do all of them resort to separation or divorce or even to reporting the crime? They don’t.
This article is a radical yet novel attempt to list down various reasons as to why these crimes go unnoticed, unreported, and unspoken.
The reasons for reluctance of a woman to separate from her abusive husband are as herein under:
“It is Normal” - 52% of the wives in India think it is “okay” for their husbands to hit them. Have we ever heard a wife leaving her house because her husband hit her? The only time we had heard/seen anything with regards to this was when Actor Taapsee Pannu conveyed this message through her movie “Thappad”. 70% of Indians living in urban areas found this movie to be over-dramatic and impractical. This is the mistake. Educated men and women find the act of abuse by the husband to be absolutely normal and often ask their daughters/ friends to treat it as an aspect of human behavior. ‘Men will be men’ is a statement that is oft-repeated. This needs serious fixing because under any given circumstance, Violence is Violence and women need not accept it for the sake of pati-dharma (Superiority of husband). This is exactly why the cycle of abuse does not seem to stop. Ultimately the children who are born in a family wherein their mother accepts abuse and father abuses tend to continue this cycle, either by growing into a person who abuses or into a person who allows their own self to be subjected to abuse. This is the first and foremost cause of why a woman does not even consider separation from her abusive husband.
Impact on Children – “Every kid needs a father and a mother for his/her growth.” This quote has forced millions of women into thinking that they should withstand any and every kind of cruelty for the sake of ‘proper’ upbringing of their children. The apparent truth is every kid needs a peaceful atmosphere and doesn’t need to be exposed to abusive acts at home being imposed on their mothers. Very often than not, women living in rural regions of India experience this thought process.
Public Shaming - How often does our mother sit on the tea table to call her sister and discuss the societal happenings? How often do we prioritize the lives of our neighbors over our own? An average Indian is said to gossip for approximately 52 minutes a day. Men are on the same footing as women when it comes to publicly shaming a person's decision. India is a country with manifold religions, culture, castes and freedom to exercise/ showcase all of these are respected and protected under the Indian laws. But are perspectives, personal decisions, values, individual identity and choice of living protected? These are always subject to the famous saying, “What will the society think/say?” This is all evident and well-spoken but still constitutes to be one of the major reasons that restrict the free-will of a woman to leave her abusive husband.
Home-makers / no Financial security – About 74.4% of women in Indian are home-makers and are financially dependent on their husbands. About 34.54% of women in India are illiterate and do not understand the implications of not having any financial security. Women either believe that their husbands should own all the property they jointly buy or do not understand the need to have a share in every self acquired property. Most women who have daughters do not want to separate from their husbands because of the fear of their daughter’s wedding and its expenses. It is important that women are educated about savings, investments and joint ownership. The only way to overcome dependency is securing finances for their own needs. Additionally, it is not advisable to announce to the spouse about separation. This one mistake can cost you financially since it may become difficult to access the documents that can ensure a fair split. Women should be clued into the income, cash flow, assets and investments through the entire course of marriage so as to ensure faster access and understanding of their own interests during and after separation.
Minimalistic Maintenance & Alimony – The process of claiming interim and permanent alimony is tedious. Recently in 2017, Apex Court has set a bench of 25% of the husband’s net salary to be paid as alimony to the estranged wife. The Court in Kalyan Dey Chowdhury v. Rita Dey Chowdhury Nee Nandy said 25% is a “just and proper” amount for alimony as a husband might have to take care of the needs of his family, if he has remarried. This additionally poses a threat for the wife who wishes to separate but does not have enough resources to maintain her or to raise her own children especially because 25% is insufficient in certain situations. Earning women have to additionally prove why they cannot maintain themselves in order to claim alimony. Under personal laws and Section 125 of the Criminal Procedure Code, 1973, rights to claim maintenance are enshrined however do not prove to be sufficient to sustain the woman for her entire life, thereby giving her another reason to be reluctant to separate. Further, the husband is under no obligation to give any share of his self-acquired or ancestral property to her. Children’s maintenance along with that of an unmarried daughter will not fall under the purview of alimony. Even then, the woman is not secure in almost all cases.
It is important to take into account the concept of “Streedhan”. Streedhan is the property that a woman obtains at the time of her marriage, it differs from Dowry in the way that it is the voluntary gifts given to a woman before or after her marriage and has no element of coercion. The Courts have also made this distinction clear. Women have an absolute right over their Streedhan. The dominion over such Streedhan property always vests with the woman. This was reiterated in the case of Pratibha Rani v. Suraj Kumar. The court opined that a wife can file a civil suit under the S. 14 of Hindu Succession Act and under S. 27 of the Hindu Marriage Act if the husband declines to return the ‘Streedhan’ property of his wife. Women should remember that under any given circumstance, they can claim what they have received as part of ‘Streedhan’. It is extremely important to take into account aspects that prove the constitution of ‘Streedhan’.
In fact, Streedhan that is given to the girl at the time of her marriage graciously entrusted to the husband or his family members for custody, when misappropriated by them has been considered by the Apex Court as a criminal breach of trust under S.405 of the IPC in the case of Rashmi Kaur v. Mahesh Kumar Bhada.
Conclusion:
Out of 1000, only 13 marriages end in divorce in India. Yes, India stands lower in the rank of Global divorce rate. But does this mean happy marriages or societal pressure?
Do all women in India really have the “free” choice to dissolve their marriage?
It is important for Women in India to overcome various factors that pressurize them to continue with a bond that violates their body and mind. It is necessary that they realize their self-worth in order to experience it. It is of utmost significance that women prioritize themselves and their peace and not the insignificant image of theirs that the world seeks to see. This world will be a better place if we make this world a better place. By causing, allowing and accepting abuse we are all hindering collective growth of humanity.
The primary reason why these reasons were listed is not to remove the reluctance from women and provoke them to divorce their abusive partners, but to create an AWARENESS among men and women, alike,
About the tendency of domestic violence and abuse that ought to stop,
About the need for a dignified life as enshrined in Article 21 of the Constitution of India and not mere animal existence and
About the prerogative of streedhan over which every woman has sole and absolute right.
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